indian giver.

Poor God. Sometimes I'm convinced I'm one of His more annoying children. I ask and ask and ask, and I receive. In big ways. My life has His fingerprints everywhere. Still, I doubt. I don't doubt God's existence, but rather God's abilities. Except, not even God's abilities. Ok, I'll just say it. I'm feeling anxious again.

It isn't lose 20 lbs, sleep all day, think I have a brain tumor anxious. That's a relief. I am just anxious in a selfish way. My confidence is dwindling. Security is weakening. Trust is definitely being tested.

Here's the thing. I like control. Not necessarily to call the shots, because that usually stresses me out. I just like control to have something to hold on to. It's safe. This is why I imaginary brake when I'm in the passenger seat and why I always volunteer to do the work in group projects. I guess that's pretty typical stuff, but it's saddening that I can't muster up the courage to fully trust the creator of the Universe. I could say that I try my hardest, but I don't. Obviously.

Let me set you up with a scene from a typical Karissa prayer session:

".....And God help me not to feel (blank) about (blank). Let me not worry about (blank), and allow me to trust that (blank). I place it all in Your hands. I love you and praise you and worship you. In Jesus' name, Amen." I take a breath, turn to my side, and get right back to worrying as soon as possible. Irritating.

I know I'm unique and irreplaceable. I've read those verses. God has told me, Himself. I know God's timing is better than mine. I've read those verses too. I know my life has purpose and great potential. Read about it. I know I'm safe in His arms. Sang about it. I'm just having trouble living it.

I know it's finals, and another transition period (which I'm not the greatest with). I know big things are going to be happening soon, and that I have a lot to look forward to this summer. I know that God is preparing to use me in ways that are beyond my understanding. I know I need to ditch the resentment and insecurity, the tension, and most importantly the control. I'll do it. I'm just having a night.

Ps. Big Guy, Thanks for being a lover of ashes.

Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name, you are mine. When you pass through the waters ... they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you. For I am the Lord your God" (Isaiah 43:1-3).

expert

Good news! No school nonsense until Monday! :) I just got a whiff of summer and it is yummmmy.

Ok, so I'm definitely not a relationship expert, but sometimes I think I am. I just figured I would share my abundance of knowledge with the rest of you. Listen up. This may save your life.

1) Never take a picture as if you are at a dance. Even if you are at a dance. It will never turn out as cute as you imagine.

2) Never ask any question that you don't want to hear the answer to. Example: "She's pretty, huh?"

3) If you tell your significant other to pick the movie don't sigh when he picks Gladiator again or she picks Elf again.

4) Males will never know what you are trying to tell him in code. Regardless how many hints you give, you will be better off just saying, "Can you rub my shoulders?"

5) Don't get kissy kissy in front of your friends. It's not cute and nobody else has those butterflies.

6) Everybody will think you are spending too much time together at first. Give it 4 months. That stage will pass.

7) Don't be desperate. Just don't.

8) Perfection would be dating two years, engaged for one, married at three. Things change. Better safe than sorry.

9) Don't start dating your favorite person on Earth when you are 14 unless you have patience.

10) Before you reach the climax of a fight, walk away for 15 then try to solve the issue. It will save a few, "No, I didn't mean that.....that either."

11) This is not the correct way to hold hands. Male's on top. Always. No excuses. Even if Zac Efron in fem.

Monday Memories

Remember when I said I was a procrastinator? Exactly.

This memory will definitely be a lot more enjoyable if you are blessed enough to know the one & only Walter Morris (aka dad). He is one of the weirdest and most amazing humans I know and is always entertaining, even though he tries to pretend he is shy. Anyways, I remember being a kid and being sooo frustrated with him because he ALWAYS made up words. ALWAYS! And he used them ALWAYS. Nobody but our family knew what they meant. Literally every time I go home, he has made up a knew one. Most of them are not repeatable, but here is a taste:

Garbo= trash can- "Sis, go frow this in the Garbo."

Pow Pow Strangers= Power Rangers- "Go Go Pow Pow Strangers!"

Cacabuh= Chewing Tobacco- "Cacabuh kiss."

Fijalator= Refrigerator- "There's some in the Fijalator."

Tupu= stupid- "That's tupu."

Snap= snack- "Did somebody already give ChewChew and CloClo a snap?"

Boom Boom= poop- "Who just made boom boom?"

Talk about being 9 and embarrassed. Love him.

Monday Memories

I've always been a nostalgic person. I just see such great comfort, joy, and security in reflection. I think sometimes we get so caught up in worrying about the future, that we quickly forget how many beautiful moments God has already blessed us with. Cue the idea for my new blog series. From now on (hopefully) I will be documenting one memory from my past that warms my little heart. Hopefully you will enjoy, and double hopefully you will share a special memory from YOUR life each Monday! It'll be fun, yeah? LET'S GET THIS PARTY STARTED! (there's a memory already. CHS class of 07, anyone? Anyone?)

Simple but sweet: Every Tuesday night when I was a wee little thing, my aunt would come over to our house. Sometimes she would carry in a laundry basket, and sometimes my dad would make a Roseanne joke. Ok, not sometimes, always. My mom would pop the popcorn and distribute the sodas. We would gather in the living room snuggled in blankies because my mom loved having the doors open. Weirdo. We would watch Trauma Life in the ER and during the commercial breaks we would have ugly face making competitions (which is probably why I am such a pro). During my annoying stage I would practice dances for them. So lovely. :)

We still got it!

Your Turn!

Pachelbel's Canon

Mother Earth knows I adore me a wedding. I totally understand that every girl does. Well, I assume so. I also understand that some are obsessed as much as me. That's awesome. Join me.

     On our friend's game nights everybody would save their "wedding" card in Apples to Apples for me. It was always my trump card. Even if the adjective was 'disgusting', I would still pick 'wedding'. It's just a fact. 

      Far before I met Jake Yeager or even Chris Henslick, I would spend time browsing David's Bridal. Now, unfortunately for my parental unit, I have been introduced to Jim Hjelm, but my hobby still remains in tact. I love a beautiful bride, a glowing groom, a fun favor, or a lovely local. It literally refills my body with serotonin. I'm sure of it. Anywho. I'm sitting in Computer Applications learning about Powerpoint. Aka I'm browsing my fav wedding blog and getting teary eyed. Figured I'd let you in on my very own fantasies. Ps. If any of you associated directly to my life steal these ideas, I swear to Michael Scott (only because I don't swear to God) I will boycott your nuptials. This is 2o years in the making, peeps.

   

elbowing during church.

Hypothetically speaking I'm supposed to be working on a 10 paged paper about mothers with depression, buuut thats not due until Tuesday, and being ahead of schedule would just be nonsense. That actually has a lot to do with the subject of this bloggy. 

     Today in church our pastor gave a lovely and inspiring message about spiritual gifts, and finding your purpose in the body of Christ. Anyways, during the sermon, Pastor Steve was talking about how each of us are so different. He talked about how some people are so organized and have everything scheduled. I elbowed Jake. He talked about how others are spontaneous and just do things when they feel like it. Jake elbowed me. He mentioned those who are off the chart introverts and get all of their energy being alone. Another elbow to Jake from me. Then he mentioned those who are off the chart extroverts whose energy increases and increases as they are with more people. Another elbow to me from Jake. Then Pastor Steve pointed out that most of the time these people are married. 

      If opposites don't attract then Jake and I are in trouble. But since we're already six years into this, I think we'll be ok. 

It's so lovely having somebody that is everything you're not. Jake is my stability when I need to be grounded. I am his energy when he is feeling low. He is my voice of logic and reason. I am his comic relief. He is my consistency. I am his spontaneity.  Sometimes I think I have the better deal. 

God is a smart dude. If I was dating a male Karissa I would be in a mental institution. I love Jake's quiet and composed personality, and that he thinks hard before each word that he speaks. He loves that I am a social butterfly and talk faster than I can think. Together we form one super human. At least I think so :) 

Be thankful for your gifts and personality. Be thankful for those in your life that keep you balanced. Be thankful for everything! God is love. Rev Run. 

Beautiful Love Poem

My incredibly handsome and talented boyfriend, Jake Yeager, was in a poetry class during his last year at Fresno Pacific. Every week I would look forward to the next masterpiece he would create, and every week I was blown away. There were two poems, however that especially stood out. The first was a love poem about Yours Truly. It was totally precious and romantic. However that wasn't the poem that made my heart skip a beat, my stomach fill with butterflies, and my eyes well up with tears This is the poem responsible for all of that. It's called "There You Stand, Above All." It's a glorious imitation of a Walt Whitman classic. Grab a box of Kleenex and enjoy. 

There You Stand, Above All

 

There you stand, above all—in charge and out of sight!

Taller than the golden arches—they have lost their metallic awe;

Taller than the Burger King’s crown—it has been usurped;

I celebrate your sovereignty instead; your red and white and yellow, your palm-tree cups,

your devoted disciples,

Who form lines out the door—hungry eyes and hopeful stomachs;

Who form lines down parking lot lanes—growling vehicles manned by eager drivers.

 

Rise up!  Either one, or two, or three, or four beef patties—one atop another, atop another, atop

another!

Tenderly will I indulge in that soft bun, which cradles the gentle meat, the hand-leafed lettuce

blanket, the ripe slices of tomato and onion and American cheese, the thousand island dressing that satisfies my craving with a thousand pleasures.

 

O rise up, you stack of old fashioned French fries, which began as the highest grade of potatoes, And were then cut, one by one, into piles of pure potential,

And were then baptized in one-hundred percent pure, cholesterol-free vegetable oil.

Although you are voiceless, your scent calls out the saliva from my taste buds;

Although you are animal-style, you tame my wild appetite with a mighty whip of flavor.

 

O In-N-Out!  My In-N-Out!  Rise up and hear me say:

Whether a single burger, a double-double, a single hold the onion;

Whether regular or animal fry, chocolate or vanilla shake,

Let your unmatched talent never give in,

Let your glorious taste never run out!

:) Maybe not all of America is as big of fatties as me and Yeager, but if that didn't change your life, I don't know what will.